Do you have to be stoned to enjoy jam bands?

A friend of mine recently turned me on to an online radio station called Pandora. How it works is, you select a band or song you like, and it finds similar music. I started my own Pandora station spanning the wide range of my musical tastes from neo soul to mod. For the most part, Pandora plays things pretty close to what I like, even introducing me to bands I've never heard of before. So today I'm sitting at work, listening to Pandora, a long string of music I enjoy streaming along, and, for whatever reason, Pandora decides to play Dave Mathews. So here's the deal. I hate Dave Matthews. I know they say Hate is a strong word, but I really do despise Dave Matthews, and furthermore, jam bands.

I'm not sure exactly why I hate jam bands so much, but after thinking about it, I've came up with a few theories.

1: I'm a touch ADD (when it comes to entertainment, anyway). I'll take a short story over a long novel, I prefer music videos to movies, and I like bands like the Ramones and the Strokes--bands that get to the point, and have no need to go on long instrumental solos.

2: I don't smoke weed. I think the slowed-down condition involved with smoking pot is necessary for listening to jam bands.

3: I don't smoke weed mostly because I'm annoyed by the culture that goes along with prolonged pot use. I can't stand the smell of patuli. I'm annoyed by the spaced-out stares of stoners; I don't like to just sit around and talk about the universe; besides reading my horoscope in the Stranger, I could care less about astrology; I hate hackeysack; and I can't stand jam bands.

So is it the stoner or the jam band I'm annoyed with? What does this mean? What does this say about me as a person? I have no idea, and frankly I don't care. All I know is, if there's a Dave Matthews CD playing, I'm gone.

What I love about Stacia

One of the things I love most about Stacia is how much she loves stuff. When we were first married she sent me a link to my email address, when she was supposed to be working, of conversion vans painted with the likeness of Stevie Nicks. She deemed this as awesome. I deemed it as awesome because of how awesome she deemed it.

Shortly after, Stacia discovered Leslie Hall. Leslie Hall began with a website all about gem sweaters. The main question was: is this a joke, or is this for real? And the answer is: it's both.





Not but two years after discovering the gem sweater web site did Stacia discover that her (what became) idol, Leslie Hall started a rap group called Leslie and the Lys, singing about her gem sweaters, her gold leme pants and her awesomeness.

So I'm riding the bus last Friday, doing what I love to do most when I'm riding the bus--reading the Stranger. And what do I see in the Stranger? Leslie and the Lys are playing at El Corazon.

So I get home and tell Stacia, "Break your plans for Sunday, we're going out."

We get to El Corazon, and Stacia still has no idea what we're doing there. I kept it a surprise.

She asks as we're waiting in line for beer, "Why's everyone dressed so weird?" and I let her know what we're there for. She literally gasps.

A local group called Team Gina opens up. They're awesome and we laugh our asses off.

Later that night Leslie comes on stage and, well. I'll just let you watch. Check it out here.

What the Ferguson's do on a Saturday night

Yesterday evening Stacia and I went to the Hi-Life for dinner. I was anticipating the deliciousness they call the Marguarita Pizza. In happy hour it's only $4. I also anticipated a glass of wine. So we get there and it's not happy hour. I kinda wanna leave. Stacia wants to go to Thaiku, but the waitress is already at our table with our water, so we stay. I'm a little tired and a little grouchy because I'm hungry, and I'm being a bit of a dildo, or a "deck" as Stacia calls it (search for "Kelly Shoes" on Youtube and you'll get a feel for Stacia's lingo these days). I'm being what Stacia also refers to as "a Ferg." This is a derrivative of her nickname for me (Turd, Ferg, Mr. Ferguson, or Turd Ferguson.) This name comes from an old SNL sketch where Norm MacDonald plays Burt Reynolds on SNL's version of "Celebrity Jeopardy!" Norm's "Burt Reynolds" insists that Will Farrell's "Trebek" refer to him as Turd Ferguson because, "It's a funny name." I asked Stacia, early in our marriage to refer to me as this name, "because it's funny," and it stuck. Mostly she uses this name when I'm "being a turd."

Anyway, I was being a Ferg last night. I was just in that mood. It only took one beer and a Manhatten to get me over it, though. So we ate our dissapointing food and returned home, but not before stopping off at the store to get a gigantic bottle of wine.

So Stacia says she wants to do "something creative" and I just don't want to sit in front of the TV. So somehow in the midst of a wine haze we decide we're going to make a movie. We only have a digital camera that takes one-minute clips. So we come up with a story board, some music, and an idea, and shoot this bad-ass piece of creativity. You can view it here.